It's been a crazy ride to get to this point in this pregnancy, but we are still here. I kept questioning myself on wether it was time to share or to keep this pregnancy to myself and family, but I've been told by the doctor that everything seems to be going normal and I should slowly resume with my normal activities, so I'm taking baby steps.
I made my first doctor's appointment after a positive pregnancy test, to follow tradition with my first I only took one test and told myself to wait to be confirmed by a doctor. I got some blood tests done, and I finally got the call that I was indeed pregnant, followed by some not so great news, my progesterone levels were extremely low and that meant I was at risk for miscarriage. I didn't know how to take that. From the moment I took the pregnancy test I had been feeling like this wasn't meant to be, that there was something off, it was different from my first pregnancy.
However, I had to keep going, I had to keep living and going on with life as usual; but that's when small cramping began and I started seeing some spotting. I have to admit that at that time it was really difficult to pray, not because I didn't know that God was in control, it was because I feared His will for me wasn't for me to keep this baby. It's difficult at times to come to terms with the sovereign will of God when it doesn't go with our desires, and though I couldn't bring myself to pray, I knew that everything would be okay. That He was in control and that whatever the outcome He would be with me.
A couple of weeks of continued cramping, I awoke one night with a horrible sharp pain on my lower side accompanied with bleeding. I called my husband as my daughter had awaken as well and I cried to him, "I don't want to lose my baby, I don't want to lose my baby!" We called the doctor and she advised us to head to the emergency room. We dropped off our daughter with our parents and headed to the ER.
It was a long wait, and a very uncomfortable ultrasound later, that we got the good news that there was still a heart beat. It was the greatest feeling of relief in my life. I was able to go home, with the order to rest and take it easy as much as possible.
Saying that to a mom with a toddler. Ha. I knew this wasn't going to be easy. Thankfully my parents and my in-laws stepped to help me with Mia as I regained my strength. Being on bed rest, not being able to move much, to drive, and barely with enough energy to get out of the house for weeks, was really debilitating. But slowly but surely the bleeding and cramping stopped and I started to feel morning sickness. I honestly couldn't be happier to start feeling these symptoms. Let me be clear, I do not enjoy morning sickness whatsoever! But it did give me a sigh of relief that I was progressing normally through my pregnancy.
Finally four weeks later I went in for an ultrasound that showed a strong heart and a little squirmy peanut.
After a normal and pretty easy pregnancy with my first, I was given a preview of what millions of women go through. Losing a child in pregnancy has to be an awful and I think lonely journey for a woman. And even more difficult to lose a child after birth.
It makes me realize that I really don't know what things I will encounter as a woman and as a mother, but I do have the strong foundation of the greatest hope, in Jesus Christ, my Lord. I wouldn't know how to do this life without Him, and I don't ever want to know. I know even more than ever that my children are His, and His alone, and I've been given the amazing opportunity to see His work and plan in each of them. And for that I am so thankful.
Baby Williams you are already so so loved.
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